great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize