Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
