What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
