There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
