My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
