found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
