So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
