I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm at about main and main street
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
