Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
