Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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