if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
