He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
