im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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