His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
