Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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