i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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