Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
