I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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