Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.