So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker