The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
