there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits