He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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