Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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