I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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