I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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