i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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