Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
