Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
