theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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