Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
