i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
