In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
