he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
