I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
