what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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