you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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