I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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