these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just found puke in my bra..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
