i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
