The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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