sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
