I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
