capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
