Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
