If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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