im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
