just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
