If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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