I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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