i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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