the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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