Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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