you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize