I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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