i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
