fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
