Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
