i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
