I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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