I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
