He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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