fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
