the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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