wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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