I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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