My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
