Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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