it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
