apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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