I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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