Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
