I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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