Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
