sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
