I got chris browned last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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