My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
