I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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