I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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