That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
