She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
