Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
