dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
