He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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