Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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