if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
