if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
