Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
