I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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