well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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