I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
