the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
