have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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