I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
