i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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