I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
