i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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